Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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