White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
