Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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