Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
