if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
