The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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