i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize