You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
