this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
