Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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