She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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