He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize