wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
