I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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