wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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