I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
