Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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