But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
