my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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