we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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