forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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