The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
