Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
