1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
