Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize