worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
