You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize