apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
