gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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