Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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