Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
