I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
