he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
