And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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