Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
