ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize