All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
