whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
