She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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