I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
