The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
