Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
