my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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