We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
