My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize