Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
