If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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