I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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