both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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