Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
