My friends, they love my intelligence
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
