i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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