I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
