We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize