They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
