I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
