Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You are the jesus of drinking
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
