I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
