Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
