Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
