possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
