I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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