Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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