my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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