Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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