I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
