Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
