And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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