3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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