first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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