don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
