Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
