you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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