I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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