Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
