Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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