I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
