i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
