I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
