Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
