ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize