I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Of course I have a pirate flag
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
